The incredible shrinking dork?
Halloween is not that far off, you know. Lazybones and I are going as pirates. We even ordered our costumes. He’ll be Jack Sparrow (he has a disturbing man-crush on Johnny Depp) and I’ll be some broad in a very tiny outfit. I believe she is what they referred to as a “scandalous” pirate. Whatever. It’s a hell of a cute costume and it came in my size. I am always dismayed by the sizing of clothes. I’m average height (five-foot-four) and yet most “small” pants are too too long. I don’t see a lot of five-foot-nine skeleton women wandering around, which makes me wonder who those pants are manufactured for, exactly. And when I was browsing the online costume shop for stuff, I was shocked that their idea of “small” was a 7-8.
If I am an average height human female who tends to be slim (but no longer bony)… Why do I have to buy clothes in size EXTRA small? Or worse, in the kids’ section? The tights I bought for my costume are childrens’ “one size fits up to 140 lbs”.
What kind of disproportionate world is this?
I’ve never, outside of my pregnancies, weighed even 130 pounds. And before anyone decides to comment about my “luck”, let me just say that struggling over weight and self-image is not the sole domain of those who are overweight.
I can’t figure out how it is possible for me to be this little. The world has started making clothes for seven foot tall twig women, and their enormous 140-lb kids. What is this, Second Life? (The avatars there are all outrageously large and proportioned like cartoons, think Jessica Rabbit only sluttier.)
I think this is all a plot to make me think I am shrinking.
No, I am not really paranoid. Just AN-NOYED.
If my costume is too big, I will scream.
I’m pretty sure that EVERY article of clothing is designed to fit NO ONE. It seems that clothing manufacturers try to find a good “average” and then design their sizes around that–but who actually has an “average” build?
Me, personally, I can never find tops that fit because I have arms like a gorilla and a freakishly long torso. If I ever find shirts that are long enough to cover my long snake-like self without leaving an inch of scarred tummy hanging out, they are usually a very large size that makes it look like I am wearing a tent.
So it isn’t just a conspiracy to make you feel like you are shrinking. It’s just marketing stupidity on a grand scale.
(What are the kids going to be? Wee pirates? Monkeys? I think you should dress George as a parrot. I love Halloween. Please take pictures!)
Comment by wynne — 18 August 2008 @ 151
What are you going to dress the kids as? Wee pirates? (My vote: dress George as a parrot. Perhaps Ringo as a monkey. Crash can be a cannon.)
Comment by wynne — 18 August 2008 @ 515
and HEY this thing was eating comments (or I’m just really inept)…
…which is why I said the same thing twice.
Or maybe I just like to repeat myself.
What are you gonna do about it, huh?
Comment by wynne — 18 August 2008 @ 517
I would like to have the little ones go as mini-pirates but Ringo won’t wear anything at all on his head. No bandanas, hoods, hats, eyepatches, fake beards, etc. I may have to look for a parrot costume though. That would be hilarious. Crash is undecided on her costume and will be at her dad’s again by Halloween (grr!) but I am sure she will send me pictures.
And yes, WordPress does eat comments. I don’t see my own until I close my browser and come back again later.
Comment by Dorkelina — 18 August 2008 @ 725
i can’t decide what i want to go as. i am thinking “Pimpbraham Lincoln” but i don’t know if that is too retarded or not. i don’t buy enough clothes to care about sizes. if it is “large” and/or “36″ it seems to be usuable to me
Comment by dogpoop — 18 August 2008 @ 837
love you ducky..im going back to sleep. and i want more pics of you and the kids.
Comment by Dread Pirate Piper — 18 August 2008 @ 1424
Pandy (sorry, creature of habit for me),
I am not tall by any means - 5′1 1/2″ (but I say 5′2″ because it makes me feel taller!) so it was always difficult to find clothes in the right length with both my legs and torso. I am porportioned fine body wise, but I’m short. That’s when I found petites. No more having to hem my pants and no more tripping over my jeans, or fraying them at the bottom.
BTW, good things come in small packages! ;)
Have fun this Halloween and enjoy the hell out of it. I’m hoping you take pics and post. Your costume sounds absolutely awesome and I know evereyone is going to want to see it and whatever you decide for the wee ones.
Comment by kate — 20 August 2008 @ 1326
I demand pictures of you in this “scandalous pirate” costume! Don’t make come over there!!!
Comment by Wyatt Earp — 22 August 2008 @ 605
Is your typing hand shrinking too? POST MORE!!!!! Or I will sneak into your home and kidnap your delicious children.
Comment by Dread Pirate Piper — 30 August 2008 @ 1935