I’ve decided to try making a feature for my blog, where I tell you about something that makes me shake my head, shudder, or just plain gag: Stuff That Freaks Me Out!
This idea was born from an unfortunate day I had recently. I was sitting here at my computer, minding my own business, when the Internets barfed up a link about Mr. Tom “Cuckoo-Bananas” Cruise.
Oh hell no, I didn’t click it!
No, no, as always I snorted and giggled and made a passing remark to My Delightful Mister about what a fucked-up nutjob ol’ Maverick is now, and then an idea hit me…
Let’s see just how fucked up and insane those crackpots are.
I sat for several hours (while poor Hubbykins cared for babies) reading various sites, and becoming ever more aghast at the sheer barking lunacy that is this “religion”.
And so, topping the list of stuff that freaks me out is: Scientology.
Basically, it’s a load of crummy boring sci-fi (I mean seriously unimaginative, spaceships look like jumbo jets? Give me a fucking break, L. Ron!) and the premise that these alien essences are infesting our bodies. All of us, yep, we’re full of aliens, and they are constantly running and ruining our lives. So what do you do, when you’re possessed by alien thoughts? Who ya gonna call!?
I’d rather trust characters from a silly 80s movie, incidentally.
But since we don’t live in the movies, you can spend lots of money and the kind scifiologists will hook you up to a glorified bug zapper or something, and talk to you, and find out all your deep seated problems (which are all caused by aliens, remember) and they will assist you in emptying your wallet, I mean, CLEARING these nasty alien whatchamabobbers.
It’ll only cost a few hundred grand.
If by chance you run out of cash and you still want to rid yourself of icky alien spiritual residue, you can become a slave and work long hours waxing cars and building hot tubs for billionaire types like Tom Couch-Hopper and John Transvolta.
You can’t get relief for all your problems by seeing a trained medical professional! They might convince you that this whole thing was invented by a crazy man who took offense when one of them called him crazy. A paranoid, delusional, lying little redheaded man. He really pissed me off by lying about his military record.
Now here’s where I have to make the disclaimer that I can accept that this whole load of guano might be helping someone, someplace. Maybe Tom Cruise would be foaming at the mouth and biting people’s ankles if he didn’t have Scientology firmly holding him in “reality”. Maybe Kirstie Alley would have just eaten until she actually exploded, if it weren’t for the even-handed guidance of this “church”.
But something about a religion made up by a guy who said he wanted to start a religion to make money just strikes me as bullshit.
Stay tuned for more stuff that freaks me out, because there’s plenty.
